When conducting intense BDSM scenes something that is seen as critical to undertake at the end is aftercare.
What is that, you may ask?
Aftercare is taking the end of a session to recalibrate, bring your nervous system back down to normal. To check in, see how you’re feeling, what you need to feel good and prevent any dopamine emotional crashes.
Aftercare looks like different things for different people.
Is it compulsory in a session? No.
I always recommend people take time at the end of a booking to calm themselves. I like to run my hands down your skin, tell you to breathe. Stretch out, relax. Take a moment, I’ll ask how you feel. A nice shower can be good to help you put your ‘outside self’ back together. I may offer you a water.
But as with everything in BDSM, it’s about consent. If the bog standard “cuddles, wrapped in a furry blanket with candy” aftercare that is common in the kink scene isn’t for you, or if no aftercare is your preference, that’s fine!
As long as we communicate our preferences.
And if you know from experience in other scenes that you do need long aftercare or a specific action in aftercare, maybe you want to cuddle or me to brush your hair or jump in the shower with you or you want to talk over the scene, then just let me know when enquiring or at the start of a session.
It is best to mention it upfront as that lets me know to leave time in the allotted session time for it.
Switching it up:
When I’m a submissive in a booking I don’t require aftercare personally. It’s part of my job to undertake any regulating I require on my own time. But if you as a Dom require a check in, a calming down cuddle please just state it. Whatever aftercare you need.
Dominants also experience the endorphin rush and adrenaline of a scene, it’s a give and take. It takes time for both sides to calm back down to normal.
A lot of clients feel once they come they need to race off, that it signifies the end of a booking even when there is time left on the timer. This is absolutely not true!
Sometimes casual chats and jokes at the end of a session is the perfect wrap up, to giggle over the naughty things we just did and to bring ourselves back to our regular selves.
In BDSM session we let out the most vulnerable and private parts of ourselves, speak fantasies and secrets we can’t say in daily life. Aftercare takes that sacred space and folds it back into ourselves, putting the mask of the outside world back on.
And that can look like a cold drink, a sugary snack, a chat or nothing at all.
Pick your poison and let’s go on a journey!
